


Toxic

by txmlinsonw



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cold, Drama, F/M, Heartbreak, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22542259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txmlinsonw/pseuds/txmlinsonw
Summary: Negan is as possessive as could be and she thought she was ready to let him go. She was wrong.
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s), Negan (Walking Dead)/You
Comments: 14
Kudos: 51





	1. First Part

What do you call a man that would kill another guy out of jealousness?

_Toxic._

What do you do when you’ve come too deep and you don’t know how to stop him?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Or at least, she thought so. She had tried to talk to him, leave him, cry, even compared the situation with her killing one of his wives.

But did he care?

Of course not. Negan was not one of those men who cared.

First it was Liam, the cute boy about her age that had a crush on her since he heard her play the guitar. But he never tried anything more than a friendship. At least for Negan, that as enough to send him to a suicide mission out in the woods. Three men died that night and Liam was the only one that didn’t do anything wrong.

She exploded that time, but Negan said it wasn’t intentional, that the group just needed someone to be in charge. And she believed him as the fool she was.

Then, it was Louis. He was a little bit older but not as much as Negan. Louis was a straight-up flirt, with those lovely blue eyes he had, he could’ve made her melt; but she was way too much into Negan to even notice. Then, one night he disappeared. She found out he was sent to one of the other communities and not long later, news came about his passing mysteriously.

_“What the fuck, Negan?” were the words she said when she walked into his office, leaving a letter with a hit to the desk. It had been written by Louis that said that he was ‘scared for his life’ and that ‘he saw a man following him all over the compound’, sent just days before he was killed._

_ “Why do you care so much?” he asked, his hands over his chest with his fingers intertwined, only looking at the letter for a half a second before realizing what it was. He looked up at her as if he was trying to read her thoughts, and of course, with jealousness. _

_ “Don’t change the subject!” she raised her voice. “Was this you?” she asked without leaving his eyes, still leaning over the desk. _

_Negan just sighed slowly and held his gaze on hers. “Why…” he stood up. “… do you care…” he walked around the desk without leaving her eyes, closing the distance between them. “… so much!?” he raised his voice at the end making her flinch._

_ “He was my friend” she said now looking down, his voice reminding her who she was talking to. She couldn’t stand up to him, not yet. _

_ Negan kept looking at her with a serious gaze, but after a second he smiled cockily as always. His left hand went up to her chin and made her look at him. “Do I need to remind you who is in charge here, honey?” he asked softly, tilting his head. _

_ She swallowed hard, with fear. She just moved her head no. _

_ “That’s so good, really good” he said without letting go of her skin. “Now, sweet cheeks, I am going to answer your question even though I shouldn’t have to” he said before being quiet a few seconds, his tongue playing with his front teeth seductively. “I didn’t do it” he said, then let go of her chin, a dark look in his eyes as he invaded her personal space. _

The next time there was no way he could deny it. She heard him. She heard him telling Simon to 'kill that mother fucker in his sleep', and that was how she found her friend Javaad dead the next morning. She didn't say anything. About it or... to him. She literally didn't talk to him for days. Then she went out on a run with Simon trying to avoid him, but...

_"Why are you stopping? We have to take advantage of the light!" she said, coming from the back of the RV and leaving the guns she was cleaning._

_ "Negan said he didn't give you no permission to go out" Simon said simply as he turned around the RV going back to the sanctuary. _

_ ''What? No! Wait, we have to go there I know there's something in that gas station!" She said feeling anxious not wanting to go back to Negan. _

_ “ **I** am going. Later” he said, only looking at her for a second before turning back to the road. “You shouldn’t try to run from him,” Simon advised. _

And yeah, she shouldn’t have tried.

As soon as she had arrived at The Sanctuary, Negan had called her into his office. When she entered the room, Sherry was there and Negan was kissing her neck.

She looked down to the ground when she saw that little scene, and coughed trying to get his attention. He looked up, but didn’t stop till he wanted to, his lips on Sherry's skin for some more time. Then sent Sherry away after whispering something to her.

“Close the door.” was the only thing he said. She obeyed.

He was sitting there with Lucille right in front of him on the desk. She just stayed there then, standing like a fearful idiot that couldn’t even look at him in the eye.

“What the fuck is it about you that you are trying to drive me nuts?” he asked like he was so full of her shit.

“Me?” she asked confused and angry, looking up to him. “You are the one killing everyone close to me” she said with sad eyes.

“I am no-“

“I heard you the other night when you sent them to kill Javaad.” She stopped his lie. “Don’t deny it, please.”

Negan looked angrier now. He moved one finger signaling for her to come closer. And again, she obeyed. She walked around the desk and stopped next to him, looking down to the floor with sadness.

“He was trying to get with you.” was his only justification. She felt her blood boiling in angriness. “Just as Louis and Liam.” He said looking at her.

“What!?” she asked when she heard that. “But you said you didn’t!” she yelled, disappointed. Negan furrowed his eyebrows and stood up, rising in front of her and making her feel little.

“What was that again?” he asked with his hand on his earlobe in a sarcastic move. “Thought I heard you _yell_ something” he said sarcastically.

She put her hands over her face. “Why would you do this to me?”

“To you!?” he raised his voice. “Well fuckity fuck I was right. Those fuckers were too important if it hurt you so bad” he raised his eyebrows.

“What?” she asked truly confused. “What the fuck, Negan?” she raised her voice too, looking up to him. That was the first time she ever talked back to him like that and he looked truly surprised. “I didn’t do anything with them and I wouldn’t because… because…!” she couldn’t say it. She moved her head no and ran her fingers through her hair, turning around.

“Because?” he asked with his sarcastic tone, leaning on the desk, as if he didn’t care but oh, he did. She had never yelled at him like that and it concerned him, but he couldn’t understand why she was so angry.

She turned to see him; her eyes full of tears. “I want out.” She finally said, her hands in fists trying not to lose it. She felt as if she was responsible for her three dead friends.

“You want- What!?” he asked as if he was afraid of something. But she didn’t even notice. She was already walking towards the door.

Negan was way faster. He put his much larger hand over the door right in front of her face making her close it strongly, and turned her around by holding her forearm with far more strength than he intended to.

“You can’t” he said leaning in towards her.

She looked at him with a comical look. “Where is the ‘you are free to go anytime you want’?” she raised one eyebrow as she cleaned up her tears. He didn’t answer and with that silence, she tried to open the door again but he didn’t let her.

“What the fuck Negan!?” she asked now getting anxious.

“You are not going anywhere,” he said in a calm tone that only did hide a tremendous amount of angriness. And she could see it in his eyes.

“I said I want o- “

She shut up when he hit the door behind her with his fist, getting scared.

“There’s no ‘out’ of this!” he snapped.

“Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with you right now but- “

“You did this! You can’t blame me over it!”

She opened her mouth when she heard that, truly surprised. “I didn’t d- “

“That fucking Louis was always trying to get into your panties and you played the fool! Am I supposed to let that slip!?”

“Wha- “

“And then Jawad or whatever the fuck is his name gave you flowers right in front of everyone in the garden!” he claimed as if he was in his right. “Fuck!” he screamed this time, hitting the door again and now truly scaring her to the point she covered her head thinking he would hit her. That was when he snapped back to reality. “No, no, sweet cheeks I wasn’t…” he put one of his hands over hers making her gasp and flinch.

“Please just let me out. We can talk later.” She said as if she was a robot.

He sighed softly, then nodded. “Go” he simply said, turning around, almost embarrassed even though she was too scared to notice. She quickly ran out of there and went to her room. “What the hell was that?” she asked to herself once there, her chest going quickly up and down. She was genuinely scared, confused, surprised and weirdly excited. Negan had never acted like that with her.

Maybe it was solely because she knew… things. Maybe it was because he had confessed to her a lot of shit about his past. Maybe he was just… as confused as she was.

“What the fuck?” he asked to himself once alone in his office.

But the fact that she left him with his thoughts was not a good thing. He started convincing himself that nothing about her was that special. And in the end, he was sure about it. So, the next day, when he called her into his office again, it wasn’t for what you could call an explanation.

“Come here” he simply said, patting his lap, after looking at her standing in front of the desk for what felt like an eternity in complete, dead silence.

She looked confused but she moved, looking at his eyes as she did. Once she was next to him, she stopped and sighed.

“Negan, I don’t think I- “

“I didn’t ask.” He cut her off in a serious tone.

She bit the inside of her mouth and obeyed. Softly, she sat on his lap trying not to feel like a toy. Before, she used to like it a lot; for him to tell her what to do. She thought it was sexy somehow. But in these circumstances?

He put his arms on her hips, the difference of sizes very obvious.

She looked up to him, her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

“What?” he asked.

“I don’t know” she shrugged as if she was a kid.

He caressed her thighs softly still looking into her eyes as if he was trying to read something in them. “Are you leaving?”

She looked confused. “I... guess so” she nodded, looking as if she was dying for him to just say something else, to not let her go. She looked down then, playing with his jacket’s zipper. He didn’t look surprised.

“Then there’s a spot for you in The Hilltop.” He simply answered. “We will need your room clean by tomorrow morning. There’s someone else coming for your spot” he didn’t remove the hands on her hips.

“My spot’?” she asked confused. “I-I thought- “

“Yeah. There’s not another room available for her and since you are so eager to go then it’s what you would call perfect timing, doll” he explained as if he didn’t care.

She felt her heart break right there.

“Just like that?” she asked, her voice breaking.

“Yes” he said coldly but his looks said otherwise, still studying her face.

“So, all of this…” she stood up not caring about his hands trying to pull her down again, and forced her way up. “For nothing?” she asked, eyes now full of tears.

“All of what?” he asked oblivious looking up to her from his seat, raising one of his eyebrows.

She just moved her head no. “Just- Just… Just get away from me” she said and ran out of the room not wanting for him to see her cry.

He stayed there, looking at the door and suddenly, he felt like he hadn't in years.

Like shit.


	2. Second Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He finally gets it.

A month later, shit happened. The whole thing with Rick’s group initiated and they suspected The Hilltop was compromised. So, he went down to see Gregory himself instead of just sening Simon as always; not even remembering that she was there. He had supposedly forgotten about her existence in a matter of days and as he said, he filled her spot with some other woman.

He was right there in the middle of the field, giving his speech about how he was in charge, making everyone feel uncomfortable with themselves; when he met her eyes. After a second he looked away, ignoring the revolting feeling in his stomach and the race in his chest.

It was when he signaled for Arat to kill someone and gave an example of what happens when you disobey him, that he turned to look at her again. She looked different. Better.

Happier, maybe.

And there he felt it: jealousness. Because he knew that he couldn’t control the fuckers that probably drooled for her every day, not anymore. He couldn’t do anything. He had less control than he used to and it felt… bad.

He was walking back to his RV when he told Simon what to do. Then, he waited. And waited. A little bit more than expected but sooner or later, there she appeared, angry-looking but still, the redness of her cheeks not leaving. He always loved that. Made her look cuter.

“She was resisting. Sorry for the delay.” Simon said as he pushed her inside and shut the door behind him as he left. She brushed off Simon's touch and looked at him dead in the eye.

Negan looked at her with some disdain. He was standing, leaning against the wall of the RV, a glass of whiskey on his hand and Lucille in the other one.

“I told you to get away from me” she started; her voice bulky as it had never been towards him before. Her chin was up, proud and no longer letting him get into her. Or at least, that was the façade. 

“Like I care” he answered fast, as if he was already thinking it, studying her face. He took a long sip of his drink, still looking at her and left the glass on the table. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms on her chest.

“I don’t have time for this. What do you want?” she snapped in a serious tone. He actually didn’t know what he wanted, not entirely. He just wanted to see her, to have her close for a little while.

“Come back to The Sanctuary” he said as if it was an order but sounded much more like a request. His eyes screwed into her pupils as if he wanted to get inside her head.

She hid a laugh. “No. Not again.” She simply answered, moving her head no.

He leaned his head to the side and clenched his jaw, leaving Lucille carefully on the table, next to his glass of whiskey. He walked to her, slowly and demanding, quickly invading her personal space as always and getting all in her face. He thought she would look down as she always used to, but she didn’t. She held up her gaze strongly.

“Got a boyfriend, doll?”

She rolled her eyes. _‘Back again with his bullshit’_ she said to herself.

“No, Negan. No boyfriend, no friends, _nothing_. I am completely alone as you wanted. Can I go now?” she stood up to him. She was not afraid anymore, or at least, she didn’t show it. “If you wanted me to stay… you should’ve said it a month ago. Not now.”

Negan bit his lip, looking at her as if she was some piece of meat. “I like it. I knew you had this in you.” He said now coming even closer. He looked down at her lips and chuckled softly, tongue playing with his front teeth seductively.

She wouldn't fall into his little game, not again. Not after all the pain she felt when he just tossed her as if she meant nothing. She furrowed her eyebrows. “See? That’s why I wouldn’t go back.” She simply said, taking a step back, away from him. “You see me as an object and, unlike the others, I don’t like it anymore.”

She felt weird. Her legs felt weak and her heart was beating fast, but she couldn’t show it. If he broke her heart again it would be it. She was sure it would kill her.

His gaze changed. Deep inside, he knew she was right. But no way he would accept that. “You knew what you were,” he said with his jaw tight in angriness from seeing her not fall for it.

“Yeah." She gulped, this was affecting her. "Whatever” she tried to go out but Negan grabbed her forearm, bringing a déjà vu to them both. His hold immediately softened, and brought her close to him.

“Even _I_ knew what you were but I didn’t pay attention to it. That’s why I did all of that crap” he confessed. She looked up to his eyes but no part of her could believe him anymore.

“That’s good. Now…” she moved her arm away from him. “I am going back to where you sent me” she reminded him, turning her back on him again.

“You are more than enough.” He tried again, but now his voice sounded different. Concerned. Regretful, even. She stopped for a second, breathed, and tried her best to remain as cold as she had until now while staring at the door, frozen. She didn’t know what to say, but didn’t have to. She felt Negan’s warm touch on her waist and gasped a little. “Come home. Alright?” He almost whispered into her ear.

She closed her eyes, hearing and feeling in the air the heat emanating off his body and how he came closer to her, his chest pressed on her back after a few seconds. She could hear her own breathing, and his, slow and heavy as if he was trying to remain calm too.

“I… I can’t.” she said lowly, opening her eyes as his other hand closed around her forearm. For a brief moment, she thought about it. Her heart ached and squirmed to the thought of holding him again, running her fingers over his hair as he told her about his day. She missed him so much. He pulled on her forearm slightly, making her turn over, but she didn’t look at him. She looked down in sadness and tried to stop the tears from coming out. Her walls had come down with little to no effort from him and she hate herself for it.

“C’mon, honey.” His hand left her forearm and went up to her chin with softness in every touch. She looked at him, eyes watering and a trace of hurt he didn’t understand but sure as hell make him feel like he was walking shit. “You know you’ve always been my favorite.” He leaned his face to the side, hands not leaving her waist or her chin.

Her lips moved into a grimace of disgust. “I just want to be the only one.” She whispered, holding her eyes on his even as much as she wanted to look down in embarrassment. “For all I k-know,” she was trying really hard not to look too feeble. “You didn’t even remember my existence till you saw me today.”

Negan’s jaw clenched again as he was trying to say what he felt, but nothing came out for far much more time than he wanted. He couldn’t do it. He knew he missed her and looking at her brought him more refreshment into his life than he could hope for, but hell. Leaving all the others for her?

Nope.

Not happening.

She saw how sentences seemed to try to form in his head and just sighed. 

“See? I don’t matter enough.” She spat out, making him swallow in… fear? “So no, I am _not_ enough.” Her voice broke in the middle of the sentence and tears started to flow making her feel humiliated. She put her hands on the one he had on her waist, trying to take it off her body with disgust and pain. “Please, Negan just leave me alo-“

“I’m not!” He raised his voice cutting hers off, making her feel little again. Somehow, that made her loose the little bit of control she had over herself. She put her hands on her face quickly, knowing what was coming, and started crying completely torn. His gaze changed and his jaw relaxed. “No, my love, please…” he whispered as if it was hurting him more than her, and pulled her into his chest as his arms went over her body, fingers caressing her back.

She heard the nickname but paid no attention to it, instead, sinking into his leather jacket as she hugged him tightly by his torso. She missed his burning scent around her.

He sighed; eyes set on the RV’s door as he tried to pour the words out of his system. He felt as if he was protecting her from the world right there between his arms, but couldn’t possibly protect her from himself.

How was that possible? 

Caring so much and not being able to act like it. A fucking nightmare.

“I just can’t u-understand…” she cried; eyes closed. “Why did you come back? Why? I was alright” she cried more but still didn’t leave her spot right between his arms. “I was alright just like when I was a lieutenant and y-you… you fucked me over, Negan” she continued crying. With every sentence, he felt even worse and something started boiling inside of his stomach. “You knew how bad I felt a-and still didn’t do anything for months” her grip tightened. She wanted to punch him so bad, but instead, her hands clenched into his leather jacket.

He continued on caressing her back, feeling as if he was losing her. “You have to understand that even if I wouldn’t leave them…” he murmured. “…That doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

Her crying slowly calmed down, but didn’t separate. Felt like it was the only place where she could be safe, and oh God, how could he lie with something so serious?

“Please don’t humiliate me more than I already am” she murmured; voice muffled by his jacket. “The last thing I need is you lying to me again.”

Negan bit his lip. He felt as if he was going to explode at any moment.

He separated her from him and held her shoulders softly, searching for her eyes.

“I have to tell y-“

“Please, don’t do this to me” she begged, her puffy eyes telling him she was on the edge.

“Just listen.” He pulled her down into the sofa behind them, making her sit. Once she did, he squatted right in front of her and held her trembling hand. She looked at him with fear, as if he was about to kill her. And actually, he had the power to. “I’ve had you on my mind all these weeks.” He started talking, caressing her hand and hoping to help her calm down. “I lied. There’s no one in your room, in your ‘spot’. I couldn’t do that.” He confessed. “I’m not proud of it, baby. And I certainly am not fucking happy about it. You messed with me too.” He nodded; his voice raspy. “I guess… knowing how unhappy you were by my side, I just felt like anyone could steal you away from me and make you happy. Hell, if they made you smile for more than an hour I would’ve been forgotten.” He explained.

“I would’ve never- “

“Wait. There’s more.”

He sighed, giving her a sad side smile as he did.

“I miss the shit out of you just… close to me. I miss being able to go into your room at night, and I miss that cute little redness in that face of yours.” He smiled wide, making his dimples show as he touched the tip of her nose with the tip of her index finger, making her chuckle with sparkling eyes. “I missed that chuckle you have, and that spark in your eyes when you look at me. I'll tell you this, doll. No one else looks at me like that. No. One.” He stated.

“You know I miss you too.” She said the obvious and rolled her swollen eyes playfully at the look of pleasure on his face. He entwined his fingers with hers, making her smile softly.

“Oh, yes. I do know that.” He chuckled. “But anyway, little one…” He continued. “I know I can’t give you what you truly want, but….”

“I could manage the other wives... I think. I am not sure, but...” She murmured, making him raise one eyebrow. “I just can’t manage your jealousness. And all of that painting me as some… bitch, that will fuck anything that moves.”

He sighed and moved his head from left to right. “You’ve always been so loyal to me. Even as a lieutenant, you couldn’t stop marveling me. Always so… on top of it all.” He laughed a bit. “Always coming to me when _anything_ happened.” He smiled. “I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, baby.”

And he knew it now more than before. He had kept an eye on her. And he knew as a fact that some men had tried, but she never accepted anything. She demonstrated her loyalty. He smiled softly and stood up, then sitting next to her without leaving their entwined fingers. She sighed and looked at him with a little smile, and he took it as permission to come closer to her, that look of sexual appetite turning on by the second.

“Then, will you stop?” She whispered, eyes going down to his lips for a second.

He looked down at her lips too, and slowly closed the space between the two, his free hand coming up to her neck, holding her with softness as he kissed her sweetly, his beard grazing her skin. She stayed frozen for a brief moment, but then corresponded, her lips trembling. She was falling again. She knew how wrong it was but now… it felt so good to finally have his warm lips against hers again.

After a few seconds, he separated just a few centimeters.

“So, you’re coming home with daddy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I don't know if I'll write more but if you want me to, just write to me in the comments! What would you like to happen?  
> Lots of love to you all.


End file.
